Wedding Vendors – Yes there are “Karen’s” with them too!

Yes you read that right! Professionalism means different things to different people. In the wedding industry, I would like to believe that all vendors work together to create a beautiful experience for the couple. In all my years working with hundreds of vendors in weddings, it is rare for me to find a vendor that is so full of themselves that they ignore all the people and/or vendors involved. Including the couple getting married. I ran across this “Karen” photographer not too long ago.

Couples look to us, the people they hire for their wedding – as professionals – to make their day the best possible. To offer guidance and suggestions that will work with what the couple wants. Let’s be honest, weddings are not a “One size fits all” and they should not be treated as such. Every wedding is unique to every couple as no two people are alike.

So my recent experience with a photographer was startling. I’m used to photographers doing their thing – you know, taking pictures, listening to the couple, working with the Officiant regarding the ceremony and the pronouncement at the end of the ceremony. Whether the wedding is outside or indoors, there are many typical things every vendor does. I always greet the couple, get the marriage license, talk to the other vendors, and do a sound check if one is needed. If outdoors, vendors will often make adjustments in dealing with the weather. Every vendor has their checklist for the day.

To set the scene – North Shore Wedding – dealing with Mother Nature and the day was windy. For those of you who have been to the North Shore it is not what I would say “warm” most of the time due to the natural air conditioner called Lake Superior. Bride was to be walked in by her father and the couple did not see each other prior as they did not want that “First Look” until she was waiting to walk up the aisle. This was not an unusual occurrence for me and is always an option for every ceremony.

Cue “Karen” photographer. From the first moment we met, the photographer took “control”. While I usually don’t have an issue with that as photographers typically have a timeline, I’m not used to one cutting me off in mid greet to the bride. I assumed they were behind in the timeline. I go to the ceremony spot and it is very windy – the memoriam table almost blew away. I found a location 40 feet away from the spot with the background the couple wanted, still clearly visible but less windy. Talked to the groom and showed him that spot. He was fine with it but stated that his bride had final say. I mentally thumbs up the groom as that was a perfect response in my book.

I walked back up to where the bride was with the photographer. Still in the same spot where I first tried to greet the bride. I start talking to the bride about the windy weather. Photographer cuts me off again and informed me that she will make the decision as to the ceremony spot. I paused to let her finish and then showed the bride a pic I took with my phone as what the background would be like in the location I found. The bride was fine with it. The photographer interrupted my conversation again with the bride during this interaction a few more times stating she will make the decision for the spot and that the couple could handle some wind. I did show the photographer the picture. As the photographer was telling me what she was going to do I looked at the bride who mouthed the words “I’m sorry”. Not a good sign.

Fast forward a bit. Photographer beats track down to the wedding ceremony area. At this point, we are past the start time of the ceremony by a little bit – it happens. Proceeded to ignore my comment as to where I think they should stand due to the wind. I was informed by the photographer “I have done XYZ number of weddings and I know what I am doing”. No, I did not snark back at her! I did pause, take a breath and did softly respond I have done 5 times as much as the photographer and stated that we both wanted what was best for the couple.

As we were waiting I got the marriage license from the groom (it was by the memoriam table) who then also apologized to me three times for the photographer. The”Karen” photographer had the groom wait by the lake, instead of the spot the couple chose, had the bride walk over mounds of rocks to get to him all the while fighting the wind just so she could tap his should and they get their “First Look”. I’m sure the photo of that was a great shot.

This was not what the couple wanted. She wanted a pic of the groom’s face as he turned to see his Bride To Be with her Father waiting to walk her down the aisle. With the photographer having them stand in the wind for the ceremony, the Bride’s beautiful cape was molded to her body and she was freezing. I do hope that the “Karen” photographer got some good pics for her portfolio because Im not certain the couple got many. For those of you wondering, I don’t think she got any close up shots of Bride’s Father walking her down that gorgeous pathway in the woods by the lake.

So bottom line is this. This is your ceremony, this is about you – the couple. Your Vendors should listen to you and give you options and then do what the two of you agree to do. It’s all about communication. As a wedding professional we often have suggestions that the couple may not have thought of particularly if it involves the couples safety. If the couple wants to do our suggestion, great. If not that is ok as well. To my professional friends in the wedding industry – be kind to one another. Our ultimate goal is to have the couple’s best interest at heart. We should be helping each other when we can, not being rude and inflexible.

For our Micro weddings – we know who our photographers choices are. So you don’t have to worry about a “Karen”. Your experience will be as stress free as we can make it. Our focus will be making your time with us as enjoyable as possible.

Lester Park – Duluth MN